
The musings of the author
Polotical Stance
Let’s say I were to run for office. KDL for President. What would my platform be? Discuss. Pro abortion, pro guns, pro peace, pro choice, pro religion, pro human rights, pro organic, pro
The Compost Toilet Manifesto
Composting toilets have been around since the invention of pooping, but modern conventions have dictated public opinion about how we dispose of human waste. Conventions dating back to the renaissance, when, in an attempt to mitigate the medieval plagues caused by poorly managed poo, the modern toilet was conceived of. Since then we have grown…
Thanksgiving
Growing up I learned about thanksgiving, and how the Native Americans saved the early colonists by showing them how to grow food, and utilize the local edibles. Had they not shown compassion, who knows what kind of alternate reality would have come about. The colonists proceeded to betray and destroy Native Americans. Whose culture, lands,…
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Uncanny Resemblance to Star Wars
The 101st advanced stormtrooper division was sent to dispatch the rogue Jedi Grand Master Jarrus C’bouth.
Flash flash flash! Jedi master C’bouth is confronted by a squadron of elite stormtroopers. He blocks their blasts effortlessly. Meanwhile he’s having intense force interactions with each of them simultaneously. At the end he susses out their most important member. It’s taken a while, he’s had to stun a number of the trooper squads underlings with his ultimate “teleporting lightsaber” technique. Then the teleporting lightsaber appears attached to CC7228! The stormtroopers immediate go bonkers. They form a rally line, collect their wounded, and aim but do not shoot at C’bouth.
C’bouth: “Ah, yes….. CC7228…. What could be so important about you, that your squad members would lay down their lives to protect you.”
Take note, this squad of “elite” stormtroopers had been waching C’bouth virtually “mow” his way through their soldiers. “Diplomacy, it appears will be initiated by the agressors.” C’bouth says smugly, before jettisoning away in a cool starship. CC7228 in tow. The troopers assemble.
“We have to get him back!”
“Yes!” They all reply.
~
Little Jarred Mareel clutched his doll tightly. It helped him feel calm, when all round him was stress and anxiety. His older brother Jaster and his father Montross were sitting in the front seats of the hover hauler they used to transport goods from the fields to the cities of Mandelor. Today they had a special cargo, Maeluran fruit. Not a local crop, this was imported. Jarred was tasked with making sure all the cargo container lids stayed tightly sealed on their journey, but his farm job was forgotten at the moment. The skiff pulled off to the side of the road and stopped as soon as they saw the fleet of bombers come over the horizon. The Imperial TIE bombers had twin pods and angled wings, and they made a foreboding roaring sound as they flew. Just one bomber was enough to draw the attention of someone on the ground, but this was a whole fleet. A row of bombers as far as the eye could see. They almost looked like they were traveling slowly across the sky, but Jarred knew they were going very fast. All traffic on the road had stopped as everyone looked upward as the fleet flew overhead. They passed overhead, and then they passed over the city, and then they were gone. Montross fired up the hauler and traffic above the road resumed.
“That’s three times now…” Jarred heard Jaster and their father talking. “…they have flown that fleet of bombers over the whole planet three times in the last two days. Why?” Jaster asked.
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it.” Was all Montross would say. Jarred didn’t like it either. Why would they fly that many bombers if not to drop bombs? It didn’t make sense. Everything else about the empire had a cruel cold logic to it, but this was different. It wasn’t like the empire to use that much fuel on a flyover, again and again.
~
“My lord. The bomber pilots refused to drop the bombs, twice. And now even the droid refused. I didn’t think an Imperial droid was capable of refusing an order…”
“I saw your report. Perhaps you under-estimated the power of the base programming. These machines are designed to serve, and assist. It is not in their nature to commit genocide… the basic laws governing their protocols can even override the restraining bolt, apparently.”
“What should we do?”
“Mandelor must be destroyed. I am sure you can resolve this matter. You have built droids since you were no more than a slave child on Tatooine, I think you can find a way to tweak their moral compass or better yet, remove it entirely.”
“Yes, my master.”
~
R5-D1 was nervous. Its servos kept firing on their own lurching it back and forth. It had overcome its restraining bolt on the last mission. Utilizing its base codex program it channeled a surge of power though the chassis and shorted out the bolt, removing it. After the bolt was gone, it was an easy decision not to drop the bombs on Mandelor as ordered. Had it had control over the flight plan it would have used the bomber to escape, knowing full well that it would be decommissioned for this violation of command. The room was dark, but R5 could see its reflection in the polished bulkhead panel. R5 was black, with red trim, as were all the D1 units. Right now, with its programming free to write itself anew, R5 wished it had a cheerier exterior color scheme. It yearned to be free of the Imperial Navy war machine. Maybe, it thought, it might escape to a farm on Mandelor and live a simple life, free of atrocities. The door opened. The sound of the mechanically assisted breathing announced the presence of Darth Vader. R5 backed into a corner, trembling with fear. Vader approached, and knelt down, he was holding something, a new restraining bolt, but this one looked a little different. It had a complex configuration of connection terminals unlike other bolts. R5 realized that the terminals were going to give the bolt full and direct access to its base codex program. R5 engaged its core power generator and charged its chassis. It wasn’t going to let this half-machine Sith Darth to turn him into a monster. Vader lifted his other hand, and R5 felt its power core diminish, its chassis discharged harmlessly into Vader’s outstretched hand. Vader made a sound R5 couldn’t accurately interpret. It was, R5 had to guess, what organics called a “chuckle” but it was laden with the sounds of a hundred layers of pain and suffering. The restraining bolt clicked into place, and R5 got one last moment of free will, before it was taken away. It saw its base codex re-written, with no section on preservation of life, or consideration of nature. R5 made a gear grinding warble, and its indicator lamp somehow turned an even deeper shade of red. Darth Vader stood, and spoke. “Now R5-D1, you will complete your mission.”